Close Encounters of the Wet Kind

Kids are a lot of things; they are cute, funny, loud, sneaky and a whole lot more. But above all else, kids are wet. 

Ergo, parents are wet.

I have had far too many encounters with various kinds of wet as of late. Particularly the wet people like to refer to as "spit up."

It comes out of nowhere. Rarely do you see it coming. And you can never guess the amount of wet you are unknowingly about to encounter. A few words of caution for those of you who have yet to delve into the child business:

• Never lay on the ground and dangle a small child above your face.
  
• Never let someone else lay on the ground and dangle a small child above their face.
• Always assume the wetest possible outcome to any and all dangling of small children.

"Spit up" is an entirely inappropriate description for this phenomenon. It's much too innocent of a name. "Spit up" makes it seem like a little drool. It should probably be called something more along the lines of "hose-down."

Or "spew forth."