Imaginary Memories

Many people have imaginary friends as young children. During two different stages of my young life, I had two different sets of "imaginary friends."

The first set was compiled of what can only be described as an entire zoo. But it isn't accurate to say I had an imaginary zoo, as there were no walls or fences or ticket takers involved. I simply had an imaginary following of zoo animals, including but not limited to: multiple turtles; a large team of ducks, involving parents and ducklings alike; tigers; puppies; mice; cows; and zebras. No snakes. Keep in mind, I was quite young (two or three years old) and did not care to differentiate betwixt domestic and non-domestic animals, hence puppies and mice being among my zoo following. My parents will attest to the long minutes spent waiting for each and every creature to make its way into the car before we could go anywhere.

The ducks rode in the gas tank; they preferred floating over sitting. My parents would oblige by opening/closing the gas flap.

The second set of "imaginary friends" was more of a viewership situation than a group of friends. I'll be frank: I had an imaginary game show in my head. I was four years old.

I don't remember the purpose of the show and I don't remember the names of the two competing families, but I do remember that they did have names and that the show was an ongoing production that took place only during my frequent trips to the bathroom. The game show families showed up after the zoo friends were dismissed as too cumbersome; I couldn't be expected to care for so many of them and they were having babies right and left.

Here's what I do remember about the game show:

• The game show had a name and theme song
• The host was funny
• The show played out somewhat like Jeopardy
• The families had names
• It was always the same two families
• One family was very wealthy
• One family was very poor
• I rooted for the poor family
• I did not like the wealthy family
• Sometimes the poor family was winning and I was happy
• Sometimes the wealthy family was winning and I would cry, because the poor family needed money more and the wealthy family was just on the show because they wanted to be on TV

Unfortunately for my family, this game show situation showed up during our time in Lehi, Utah, where the ratio of people to bathrooms was 5:1. My unexplained long trips to the toilet have surely left my parents and older sister perplexed for the past quarter of a decade. 

It was an emotionally trying game show and sometimes it took me a while to get my wits about me and keep a strong face for the family. I used more than my fair share of minutes on the pot. I hope this clears things up.